VISIT The Base

A poster featuring three aliens dressed as scientists holding test tubes, with text inviting visitors to 'Dulce Base' for tours of genetic experimentation vaults, promising fun for the whole family.

Welcome, Earth Friends!

Tired of boring tourist traps like the Grand Canyon or Ohio? Come visit Dulce Base—the galaxy’s worst-kept secret and New Mexico’s most aggressively denied underground facility! For the first time ever (thanks to a very chill intern at Homeland Security), we’re opening our heavily classified doors to the public. Tour our telepathy labs, high-five a Grey, or enjoy a smoothie in the Sub-Level 7 café (now 12% less radioactive!). No probing required—unless you really insist. Book your visit today and find out why thousands of conspiracy theorists were accidentally right the whole time!

Poster advertising visits to Dulce Base with sections on genetic research, human liaison, cattle mutilations, and reactor chamber, illustrating humorous alien and human interactions.

Empty cafeteria with beige chairs and tables, four alien-like statues sitting at a table eating, illuminated by fluorescent lights, with a menu board labeled 'Specials' on the wall in the background.

what to expect

So you’ve decided to visit Dulce Base—great choice! Here’s what’s in store (and yes, your NDA is binding across all timelines):

A Warm, Slightly Glowing Welcome
Our Greeters are trained in over 42 forms of human interaction, including awkward handshakes, small talk about weather, and pretending to understand TikTok references.
Guided Tours (Mostly Above Ground)
You’ll explore select areas of the base, including the Visitor Center, the Interdimensional Gift Shop, and our famous “Wall of Denials” featuring every government agency that’s sworn we don’t exist.
Live Demonstrations
Watch as our Reptilian tech crew bends spacetime, clones a ferret, or tries to understand cryptocurrency. Bonus points if you can explain NFTs in under 3 minutes.
Photo Ops
Snap a selfie with a genuine Grey, or pose in front of the Area 51 Escape Tunnel. Filters not needed—we already look weird.
Complimentary Snacks
Enjoy samples of galactic delicacies like freeze-dried Saturn chips, Glorbnut spread, and Earth’s most prized export: Cool Ranch Doritos. And of course, the Dulce Base Taco Bell.
Strict Safety Protocols
No running, no touching unshielded wormholes, and please don’t try to “liberate” the hybrid lifeforms. They're unionized.

Still curious? Perfect. Curiosity is how we found this planet in the first place.

Fashion may be subjective, but safety in an alien research facility is not. Here's how to keep all your limbs—and your dignity—intact:

Comfort Is Key
Dulce Base has a lot of stairs. Like… suspiciously many. Wear shoes you can outrun a Reptilian in (just in case—it’s probably fine).
Layers, Layers, Layers
Surface temps: desert hot. Sub-Level 6: penguin rave. Sub-Level 9: mildly volcanic. Dress like you're attending a sci-fi-themed onion—lots of layers, easy to peel.
Avoid Reflective Clothing
Shiny materials confuse our security drones and may trigger spontaneous abductions. (Looking at you, guy in the metallic tracksuit from 2017. We still don’t know where he is.)
No Camouflage
Our sensors will think you're trying to escape. And you do not want to be mistaken for a shapeshifter.
Approved Accessories Only
Sunglasses? Great. Tin foil hats? Optional, but stylish. Jetpacks, cloaking devices, or anything labeled “do not bring into a time loop”? Leave that at home, Gary.
Souvenir Jumpsuits Available
Want to blend in with the staff? Our gift shop sells official Dulce Base visitor jumpsuits. Now in Earth Tone Grey™and Unsettling Blue.

Remember: If your outfit can survive both a cattle mutilation field and a government cover-up, you’re good to go.

how to dress

SHOP BODILY COVERINGS (coming soon)

ARRIVAL & DEPARTURE

A car driving on a foggy road at sunset with two aliens wearing masks inside

Planning your trip to Dulce Base? Whether you're driving in from Albuquerque or getting beamed here via molecular reassembly, we've got you covered. Here's what to expect:

🚗 Standard Arrival

Visitors can enter through the heavily disguised gift shop off State Route 64. Look for the “Totally Normal Rock Shop” and ask for "Marlene" (she's not real, but we’ll know what you mean). Free parking. No hovercrafts after 8 PM.

🛸 Premium Abduction Package

Hate traffic? Love sudden, blinding lights and lost time? Upgrade to our Deluxe Abduction Service™—we’ll scoop you up from your backyard, rooftop, or Costco parking lot and drop you off at our Welcome Lounge, no questions asked. Small fee applies. Hypnosis for memory suppression sold separately.

⏳ Departure

Most guests return to Earth the way they came. Some leave changed. Some leave glowing. Some leave speaking fluent Glargon and craving uranium smoothies. Departure times are flexible unless you accidentally volunteer for interdimensional research (read the fine print).

Pro Tip: If you suddenly wake up 200 miles from your house with a wristband and a tote bag—congrats, you’ve already visited! Check your phone for blurry photos and mild psychic upgrades.